Day 100 Finally!

I finally made it to day 100 after my Bone Marrow Transplant! According to my doctor, my body is supposingly now on the fast track now to recovery and all blood figures will be on the up trend. But am I really improving that much? I'm having major doubts cause I'm still struggling to stay on top of things and only I know it best.

Am I having a mid life crisis to say such things or am I just afraid of handling the truth? I'm not sure, no one knows it better except for myself I suppose. I have no problem falling asleep but I will wake up at around 5-6am every morning for no reason and fall back to sleep before being waken up by my wifey at 7.15am. Is that quality sleep, I'm not sure but once I reach the train station after dropping off my wifey and kid, I felt so alone and sometimes panicky, flushness of my face and cold sweats do occurs even light headedness. My insecurity, again I'm not sure, tried chatting on FB or chanting or looking at the people around me to take my mind off, well occasionally it does help. That is why going to work for me is a struggle and challenge and making it to work eventually is a blessing and greatful too.

Sometimes I felt so alone, it seems as days go by, people around me has forgotten about my problems and situations even my family members, daily I'm still finding an equilibriums of things, trying to pay the bills on time, etc, etc. Is it that they really thought that I have recovered fully or they felt that it's better not to talk about it. Many friends had claimed to be concerned but after awhile they are disappeared, worst are those that didn't even bother to call when heard about it. I had thought of crossing these people off from my list but what's the point? Life is too short to do such silly stuff lor. Am I asking too much from others in the first place?

So what's really in store for me in the future? Will I still enjoy a fruitful life for whatever that is still left? Many questions, many answers needed but will I ever get my questions answered in this lifetime, no one knows. So as the saying goes "Life still goes on". To me everyday I'm alive is a day earned and cherish. So to all out there - Seize The Day!