I guess many of us are stumped by the above question in certain times of our lives. Sadly, but realistically I personally felt that just like Marketing, there isn't a right or wrong answer, it's a matter how you prove your case. Some people answer it base on conscience, some on moral while some base on some facts. Whatever your rationale will be, I would say, you just have to be true to yourself cause at the end of the day, you are answerable for the outcome and to yourself only. I kinda like this question as it allows me to stretch my imagination as it can be a question, asking me about my hopes and dreams or my conscience or better still my mental state of mind when faced with an issue. So basically, it sets me thinking and also acts as a form of check and balance in my daily life.
So why this topic today? It spun off from my lousy Monday yesterday. Some of you had heard me grumble about it in Facebook but those are just far from the truth.
Well the story goes like this: More than 2 months ago, I was asked if the team needed help in the workplace from a referral from MCYS, knowing the nature and background and not being heartless like the govt is in the Yellow Ribbon project, I sticked out my neck and say why not when my peers think otherwise. I certainly knows the risks and backbreaking tasks of mentoring a very young problem child (literally speaking) but just like my boss's firm believe of giving others a 2nd chance, we went ahead with it. Things were okay in the beginning, with just minor concentration and tardiness issues but in general I think she just needed more guidance since we all felt that we had a very bright kid here. However, things start to get too close for comfort as we learnt more things about her in Facebook and also some of the things that she blurted out during conversations. She is constantly late for work and the tardiness even showed in her dressing and at meetings where she will either yawn openly or lay her head on the table. My peers dispel that she was still young and we all agreed she just have too much personal problems that is weighing her down. But despite a couple of counselling sessions, she only paid lip service and my fellow colleague which I shared the responsibility in supervising was of no help as she will often kept quiet during such sessions. The tardiness is now also in the way she perform her duties and work, not forgetting she will regularly be on urgent leave due to problems at home or medical appointments. No professional courtesy was extended by her cause we were only notified that very morning and leave forms covering these urgent absences were always late or had to be chased. I must say, it was a real mess. The mother got in touch with me thru Facebook and not wanting to be seen as invading one's privacy, permission was sort from the kid to accept the mother as friend, well the answer I got was pretty cool but the events that happen soon after wasn't that cool at all. I was accused of poking my nose into personal issues and updating the mum in terms of the work performances. Even the choice of words like" BGR, Wack, Fight, etc" were misquoted and soon became a matter of word definition. It causes me much stress as all I wanted was to give someone a 2nd chance and help, I never wanted to be a saint. Perhaps, I wasn't ready for the tons of lies that follows and also my training in reading body languages and interrogations made things worst as I do see thru the lies. It was a struggle to continue to be the kind, cool Uncle Soh or to be the fair and justice person.
Many had said that I was foolhardy in even trying to help as such people don't deserve it as they don't even wanna help themselves in the first place and I have no place to try to butt in, course there are some that says that over the years despite my temper I still have a soft spot in helping others. Now it's even worst after my long hospital stay as I have tone down my temper and thus my mild nature had made me more vulnerable to literally helping anyone that comes my way. Come to think of it, it's rather true and this old pal of mine was spot on cause nowadays I even paid attention to stray cats and dogs and had the urge to help them too despite protest from my wifey and I had secretly visited SPCA without her knowledge.
On second thoughts, was I trying to relive the joy of mentoring and teaching kids the right way in this incident? Moudling the future of mankind? Sounds so saintly huh, well that was what drove me to apply to be a teacher more than a decade ago before I joined SPH, it was my ex-principal's words during the interview that made me gave up the idea totally. She said to me: " Andrew, you won't find the joy that you are looking for even if you think that you are doing the right thing cause to change others, you have to start with yourself." Wise words from a principal that I spend much of my JC days in her office.
I guess after my fight with my medical condition, it made me cherish life even more and it's not just about mine but the world at large. I believe strongly that people's path cross due to fate and some other unexplained reasons, well whether it is as some religions explained that it's unfinished business between two parties or karma. My take is that why not help if you can, religion or no religion. Somehow it's my way of life. I had made peace with the injustice and unfairness in my life and accepted the full reset of my life at this point in time by the higher powers, so to me it makes sense for me to rechart my life with a new direction and course.
Anyway, in conclusion is that some things just ain't within our control and turn out in the way we wanted it to be, perhaps our intention to help is just a wishful thinking on our part only. We can only do so much and if we have done our best, we can certainly walk away with our heads held high and move on to the next case. So my friends, the question above remains in this case, do you want to be the help or be the helper?
Till next time, cheers and good luck all.
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