Hey Long Time No Blog Liao Ah! ;)

Sadly it has to take me almost another year before I start blogging again. Not easy and so much so that I have forgotten much of the functions but that's besides the point I suppose. So please don't ask me why the layout is so crappy Hor, maybe it's because I'm doing this on an iPad or I just suck at this, haha. 

Well I'm please to report that there's gonna another new addition to the family soon and it has been a long journey. Everyone is pretty excited about it, much anticipation and anxiety too afterall it has been 9 years already since our last and Ashton is now in P3. Some says we are crazy to have a baby at this age and after so many years. To us we couldn't have chose a better year since it's SG 50 and all. He is such a precious and wonderful gift to us and the family.

I suppose in life we gain some and we lose some, so as all things must come to an end, so does friendships. Lost a couple of friends along the way and I bet I'm gonna lose another soon. I'm sadden with every lost just like any breakups but mostly I'm more disappointed. It may be hard to being someone but it is harder to know someone truly. It takes two hands to clap and in every friendships, you do invest your trust and love but ROI ain't some numbers you can crunch at all so it's all about gut feel too. At times in your eagerness to want the best, say the truth, be professional in not mixing business with personal or caring too much, often you end up breaking it. As one gets older you do have lesser friends not cause you break them but cause people are just simply too busy. Busy with catching up with the corporate ladder, BGR, family, studies, etc etc, so if you have already gotten all these sorted out thus you are just too darn free liao lor then don't complain that none of your friends you any attention anymore. Sad but true given our busy lifestyles. Mentally I'm prepared that if I passed on, I won't be missed and neither will there be many who will turn up for my funeral not because I'm such a bastard to many but cause no one knows about it. People connect these days simply via social media only and seems to be such a normal thing to do and if you pour out your feelings there, you are either too emo or seeking attention. For me, that is just an avenue to rant and get it out of my system and that's my secret to may "stain free short" way of managing my emotions or moods.

These days nothing really gets to me anymore, bad vibes just get parry away. Life is too short. I save my energy to stand by my principles and way of life thus I still complain to the authorities if someone goes overboard with their inconsideration. Not tiring as many would asked me cause it has become my way of life and if people are self aware then Singapore would have been a better place. I look forward to going to work cause there I see the ugly sides in some fellow colleagues but I also see more genuinity and humanity that are displayed by persons with Down syndrome. Searching for those true meanings meant a lot for me than paying attention to people's criticism or sarcasms.

Life has recently dealt me with a short hand in health but I never give up, why should I besides let see what I can do about it lor, how worst can it get? I have even wrote a magazine article about my medical journey that is gonna be published soon. I also just started embarking on a new medical journey so if I make it, I probably will buy me a decade more if it don't then it's back to square one. Keeping my fingers crossed nonetheless. 

Anyway, I hope I won't for another year before I write the next blog. Catch my next about how I deal with some of the horrible FTs in office and my new plans. 

To Judge or Not to Judge?

 As the subject title says : To judge or not to judge? Many a times e are always caught in a dilemma when such situations occur. So is there a scientific explanation as to why we like to be a judge or be in a judging position? Some attribute such to one's personalities while others just simply put it as sheer arrogance. Whatever the facts are, we are judge by others, be it by our friends, family, colleagues or total strangers on a daily basis. So what do we do about it? At this point in time, am I not guilty too? Well I certainly am and I used to be a mean and critical one too thus I'm often detested. And I'm certainly not alone cause at this moment, while you are reading this, you most likely have already start judging the writer, me at the very first paragraph of this post already, right? :)

To me when I'm judged or receive a judgement from others, I take it positively and see them as reality check. It's always good to hear how others perceive you and also what are the yardsticks out there. Life of judging ain't that simple regardless if you are the judge or the one receiving judgements. The emotional roller coaster rides differ from person to person and also the level of relationship that you are with with the judge(s). Lashing, punches, tempers do fly, yeah...

If a friend judges you and pass a sentencing (or layman terms means opinion) on you, it can be hurtful cause you may think that as your friend he/she should have known you better before judging, but from their perspective when they judge you, they are think of "For your own good" and as your friend they should be as direct as possible. Conflicts and bad blood occurs when the judgement wasn't well received cause the receiver thinks it was unfair and the judge is just imposing something on you which you think that he/she knows crap. Worst if there wasn't any pre and post communications to ensure the judgement goes down well or room for feedback. What happens next maybe a case of broken friendship, tit for tat revenge, stereotyping or simply ignorance by laughing it off. well how you really deal with the judges, seriously will depends on how much you value the relationships. For me, it's always a case of "Convince and Conquer", you can judge but make it fair with justifications.

Then why do family members judge you? Well for this, it is plain simple. You all have the same surname, so the yardstick never or rarely deviates from the family norms, traditions, values, upbringing or cultures. The older and more senior that the family judges are, they more critical they can get. However if we are younger in age, we often see such yardsticks as stupid and unfair. But as we grow older in life and so called become wiser, we tend to reconcile or even appreciate such yardsticks and judgements as they form the foundations of one's upbringing in life. So while in may be a case of taking Chinese meds which are bitter to the mouth but you do know what's good for you, besides it does runs in the family.

Lastly to keep it simple, the last category of judges comes total strangers. These group of judges base their judgement on societal yardsticks and their own personal opinions at times too. For e.g., as young toddler growing up in the 80s, our parents can't really afford paper diapers and when we were out and nature calls, we often are told to pee by the bushes or the drains, as long as we said "Excuse Me" before we do so. But these days, try doing that with your kid in public, you will be heavily judged and likely become an overnight media sensation.
This example showed the changing of times and also the values of what being considerate meant now. Often in some situations where the judgement is unfair or personal, the emotions of resentment and unfairness will be very strong simply because of "Who the hell is that person to say such thing about me, she don't even knows me at all?" Such situations sometimes will lead to fights and fierce verbal battles which are getting more common these days in public places. So how do we avoid such judges from getting into our hair? Just simply follow the old saying "Do what the Romans do", respect the cultures and rules of any environment that you are in be it implicit or explicit ones. And if you are wrongly accused or judge then just say sorry for the inconveniences caused and offered an explanation if the judge is willing to hear you out but if he/she doesn't then just walk away and move on. Not worth screwing up the rest of your day right?

So in conclusion, as I mentioned earlier, I ain't a Saint and I was a very critical judge before cause I was a PERFECTIONIST and I believe the TRUTH must prevail! Perhaps I just watched too much Marvel comics and cartoons, hahahaha. Nevertheless I felt more compel to judge others in their judgement these days and in the course of it I do lost so called "friends" but do I regret my judgement? No I don't at all cause I firmly believed if you are judging others, you must always be ready to be judged. I called out people's bad judgement not to ridicule but to educate, as if you wanna judge others then make sure you are good at it, your judgement passed must be clear and fair, certainly do the necessary investigations if you have too. There's no shortcut about that.

Well judging is here to stay just like "kaypoing"or bad driving. You don't have to embrace them just simply live with them in the best way that you can without stressing yourselves too much. As to my Facebook question of "Do you keep friends who are critical judges close by or drop them like pests?' My answer is keep them close cause you never know when you need a slap in your face to wake you up from stupor and won't be it better to come from a friend than a total stranger right?

It gonna be a long weekend ahead, so enjoy, have fun and rest well. Cheers!

N.B.: This post wasn't done under the influence of alcohol, emotional outburst, bad mood or any impairment to my mentality. No pun is intended and if you feel offended by it then just close your screen and go to some other sites that you enjoy. Also please please please dun judge my grammar and spelling cause I too lazy to use spell check in order to keep it's authenticity  and originality lah. :)  Byeeee and stay tune for more.....


***Photo credits to all the relevant parties whose photos are featured here. Do contact me at: andrewsohwm@yahoo.com.sg if you want them removed. Thank you.

Communications - Catch 22!

Didn't know that I was such a dumb ass that I wasted an hour of my lunch time to tango with my boss on office communication. Well the squawk is that too much emails, people also get offended, not kept in the loop people also get unhappy and when you wanna talk to them face-to-face - people is either no time for you or out of office.

So is it a case where when people needs something from you, it's okay for them to send chaser emails to you or even suddenly be nice to you but if it's the other way round then the "Please Do Not Disturb"sign will be super obvious lor. :)



I'm not a fan of emails and whenever I can, I prefer to talk to people either over the phone or face to face unless you have a bloody pukeable face lah. But I have to agree with my boss that emails biggest advantage is efficiency but its biggest disadvantage is that it lacks feelings or emotions. My point of writing emails is simply for efficiency as we have so much to do daily and I try to be as simple and short as possible and if you need clarifications, you can always approach or ring me. So yeah it's true my emails may not have the emotional droppings here and there like my blog posts lah, whahahaha. But it gets the job of delivering the salient points of the message across mah, right?

I guess perhaps people who often gets offended with emails are simply cause they get too much work requests and get stress about it. Perhaps, you should look at how to manage your life and take it easy rather then getting emails to stress you out and let emails manage your life. Of course with technology of smartphones blah blah blah, it can gets harder but then there is always the "Sleep" mode or switch off button.

At the end of the day, I may sound arrogant to my boss but we are all paid to do the job and friends at the office can be a fringe benefit but not necessary something that I would want to enjoy. Besides professionalism is so passé these days, given the among of KPIs that we have to deliver and meet, so if you can't take the heat then you shouldn't be where you are bitching about it. You wanna save your ass then so do I.

Well the joke that I shared with my boss about this discussion about some of the folks mentioned was that if they don't want so many emails then they don't be some bloody "kaypoh"and asked to be kept in to the loop for everything under the sun lah. "Kiang tio ho, mai ke kiang mah", meaning smart can already, don't try to act smart! Guess people most of the time never learn until they reach the point of a big regret.

At this point, it reminded me of an article that I read sometime back that the most successful people don't read their emails first thing in the morning once they get out bed. Think only the successful wannabes are the ones who think they are when they do that.

So you wanna talk to someone then be careful who you are talking to and what you are talking about and worst if it's an email. So caveat emptor everyone, be happy and don't lose sleep or hair over it lah. :) 

It's THAT Month Again!

Time has comes round again for that dreadful anniversary that I and quite a few others rather forget but the fact remains that it will always be there for us no matter how we wanna deal with it. So I just have to stay positive and hope for the best.

Fortunately despite the unpleasantness that July brings, there is still the big joyous occasion of kiddo's birthday today. Took leave today together with wifey and kiddo called the shots since morning with a hearty breaky with my mum and dad before sending his off for his wushu CCA and then it's me and wifey's pak toh time at our fav kway chap stall at Dunman Hawker Centre. Well thought I could spent some quiet time back home but wifey got called back to work and so it's me and housework time. Bummer....

Well at least I managed to keep myself busy from checking work emails, ha! It has been a busy week with at least 3 offsite presentations and even when I'm in office, it's back to back meetings cause I have to roll out 5 major projects by the end of the year and I have yet to get my new Exec. Nonetheless most of the projects are going smoothly and staying out of the way of the other nasty colleagues. Actually they aren't nasty to begin with but I guess they are just strong characters that always expect others to see things their way or understand them more.

In life whether at work or at among your acquaintances, there is always such people. Such people will always say that you are emo, not religious, stubborn, impatient, stressed up, yada yada, etc etc. but the fact remains such viewpoints and feelings are very personal. For e.g, I feel very strongly about bad driving cause I'm very passionate about road safety and driving skills, so I personally take offence when others tell me that why I'm so bothered by it, why it always happens to you or is it your driving style? The fact remains that I shared the story with you cause I believe you can appreciate what I have to share and what I'm dealing with but for you to criticise me for something I know best, this is ridiculous . Sorry I ain't one that shut my mouth for anyone's benefit cause if I see some injustice or I have an opinion I speak my mind. I'm not calling myself a SME (subject matter expert) on some of these things but do feel free to convince me not criticise, please. Everyone is entitled to one's opinion. Perhaps, politically in Singapore, most of us who have an opinion about things are being shut out by many others who only know how to criticise as they felt that is the societal norm. Well perhaps it's gonna be another time for a greater awakening in the next election??

Life is short and for someone like me that has gotten a 2nd chance I ain't gonna remain suppressed just because I care more about other people's thinking than my own. It's not just my right but also my entitlement to be myself and speak my mind. So if one don't like it then walk away and have no part to be in my life, I would respect you for that rather than be a hypocrite in front of me and yet turn around and speak ill of me behind my back to others. Frankly, what goes around comes around. The world is just too short of listeners cause everyone wants to talk.

So to those who can't stand me then please walk away as I would be thankful to you.  For those that stood by me and hear me out, you definitely is a keeper. Well food for thought indeed as we are all in the driver seat of our live. Okay, that it for this post and now the washing machine beckons and getting ready soon for kiddo's birthday dinner later. Cheers!

It's Been So Long, Gosh!

It's been a long time of 2 years already? Oh my time flies and I'm truly guilty of slacking on my blogging here. Well it was a coincidence that my new colleagues chided me this week that I should start a blog writing about the food places that I adore since there seems to be quite a few. My reply to them that I do have a blog got me thinking and here I am.
Some quick updates are that it's been 3 and a half years since I was reborned and so far I have been trying to live my life to its fullest with quite a success. I ain't richer than before but I'm certainly happier and I ditch the first job that got me started in the VWO sector. I'm grateful for what it has taught me and the relationships that I needed to forego. What's remains is an exciting new job of helping children with Down syndrome and a working environment that appreciates me more. Kiddo is now in P2, he is still very much a mama boy still but that's what it is I suppose in a single parent family. After gotten his PC in golf, he is now concentrating in swimming and wushu. Still hoping for No. 2. Haha.

Youngest bro is now a dad and his boy is gonna grow up like a fine young man and now time for 2nd bro to play catch up eh. Well for me I just hope they come round for meals more often as dad and mum is getting older and dad is also more eccentric nowadays. Overall I do enjoy more home cooked meals given mum comes up to cook daily.

Medically I can't say I'm all clear and back in the pink of health but I'm much better although putting on more weight despite exercising on weekends. Checkups are now further apart which everyone are happy about.

As for my CCAs, I gave up teaching driving which I'm truly sad about and now thinking should I give up my property agent licence too. Hmmm... Overall I now have more time for my family given Sats is my off day too.

Well time it's for me to go now. I hope I will come back soon and share more stuff about living as a common 40 year old in Singapore and of cause my fav topic - FOOD! So until next, take care, Ciao!

Where Thou One Find Peace and Comfort

It's been two days of unknown medically. Face felt flushed, head felt as though I just had wasabi, stomach cramps and tenderness at the heart area. Well GP says it's just gastric wind. Hmmm and just like my daily panic attack during knocking off work time in the trains, it just comes and go. Many a times, such things don't happen when I'm with someone or when I'm on leave.

I have tried hard and fast in trying to find answers as to if these are by-products of stress, anxiety and tiredness or maybe even spiritual. All I can say is that it's still very much a trial and error stage. Lately I find it more compelling to want to try something new at work. As I mention in my previous post, to manage my own centre. There are new senior activity centres coming up and from my past year's interaction with beneficiaries, I felt I can and want to contribute more. It has nothing to do with karma points or getting bored with my current position but just the fact of being able to contribute and doing more. A close friend once compare herself with me to say that I had made great sacrifices and makes a difference in others' livelihood in doing what I do now but my reply to her was that I'm just doing what I thought were right and she can too. Personally it was a promise to myself that I will make it a point to touch others and extend a helping hand whenever I can during my 3 months stay in the hospital.

It has been a good year and the end will surely be a wonderful one. Kiddo is getting all ready for P1 next year, finally my 2nd bro is getting married, parents are in good health, wifey is getting a good transfer to a position of her choice, my college friends are getting the Xmas dinner tradition back together again and for me, life are as simple as I want it to be. Well if only my health can be more rational, I think it would certainly lift everyone's spirits and I do missed the travelling too.

Something has been bugging me for a couple of years already. At first, it felt like a leech - sucking the life out of me but for the past year I learnt to deal with it mentally and living with it. Nope I ain't talking about my receeding hairline or my pimple scared face due to my hormonal changes. HaHa. I once watched a Japanese TV program about how to carry heavy boxes without feeling the weight. You just simply put an empty box underneath the heavier ones. For me, I simply don't think about it and occupy myself with helping others than just focusing on my own problem.

Frankly I'm human too, I get swayed by desires, wants, wishes and power all the time but just like when you are angry you take a deep breath and relax before speaking your mind. When hit by all the unwanted, just stay cool and ask yourself if you really need them. It's nice to see or watch a pretty lady goes by but is she gonna be anything more than an eye candy? If the answer is No then enjoy the temporary nice scenery then. You felt there are too much politics and gossips in the office and compel to join them for fear of being a victim if you don't. Then ask yourself is that you and do you really have time for that, don't you have more productive things to do?
Always remember, ask what you really want for yourself and your love ones and not what the situations, circumstances, the environment and others dictates for you. Be your own boss without having a real business cause your life is your business!

 

Life can be simple and time can be made as long as you are willing to make it happen. So take care and till the next time soon. Ciao..

More Than 365 Days

As the title says -365days, short for some folks while it can also be long for others. For me it has been an interesting year of compromises, surprises, normalisations and contentment. This year it's like learning how to be an working adult again, I no longer hold that much power over others neither do I have the freedom to roam the streets or be able to push my sales for a big pay check.

Life has very much settle down either be it that most of my medical debts being paid off and adjusting the household and personal spending to reflect my current pay package. It was hard to give up some stuff especially when it comes to my car and F&B but something has to gives. Worst is I now no longer holds any part-time jobs, scary for me cause I have nevertthought I can survive without one but I did afterall.

This is also a year of discipline for me. Watching my spending closely saving for any sudden medical outburst and also my kiddo's P1 education and of course my inability to do whatever I want at work. I'm a rookie at work, at times I just sit around and listen, yes listening - something which I have perhaps neglected for the past decade. listening to my inner voice, my conscience and at times spiritually too. Spiritually I'm struggling to find my true faith that gave me inner peace and in times of my medical stress and pains.

Some folks see me as my luck is changing cause I got a stable job now, lesser medical appt and change car twice from a small to a big one. But little did they know that no job is stable nowadays, I'm fighting daily to day well and the Camry actually post less to own than the Slyphy. I do hope my luck has changed for the better but even if it didn't then so what cause life still goes on.

At this point, many of you may find that why it's all gloomy stuff. Actually to me they ain't that bad anymore cause they are important lessons and markers of my life. I still love what I go through everyday be it my job or my family life cause I now truly make time for my love ones and impacted others too. I enjoy being an MC at events at my centres cause the reactions and responses from the beneficiaries are so real be it their smiles and laughters. A thought of having my own centre or social enterprise did cross my mind and I'm planning to put that in my next year's resolution.

Well one more month to go before 2013 arrives, I can only hope that I'm ready and hopefully my kiddo too with his new school. As like my last two year's birthday wishes -please be over with. Thanks and all the best to all for 2013 in advance. Cheers!

To Be Or Not To Be???

I guess many of us are stumped by the above question in certain times of our lives. Sadly, but realistically I personally felt that just like Marketing, there isn't a right or wrong answer, it's a matter how you prove your case. Some people answer it base on conscience, some on moral while some base on some facts. Whatever your rationale will be, I would say, you just have to be true to yourself cause at the end of the day, you are answerable for the outcome and to yourself only. I kinda like this question as it allows me to stretch my imagination as it can be a question, asking me about my hopes and dreams or my conscience or better still my mental state of mind when faced with an issue. So basically, it sets me thinking and also acts as a form of check and balance in my daily life.

So why this topic today? It spun off from my lousy Monday yesterday. Some of you had heard me grumble about it in Facebook but those are just far from the truth.
Well the story goes like this: More than 2 months ago, I was asked if the team needed help in the workplace from a referral from MCYS, knowing the nature and background and not being heartless like the govt is in the Yellow Ribbon project, I sticked out my neck and say why not when my peers think otherwise. I certainly knows the risks and backbreaking tasks of mentoring a very young problem child (literally speaking) but just like my boss's firm believe of giving others a 2nd chance, we went ahead with it. Things were okay in the beginning, with just minor concentration and tardiness issues but in general I think she just needed more guidance since we all felt that we had a very bright kid here. However, things start to get too close for comfort as we learnt more things about her in Facebook and also some of the things that she blurted out during conversations. She is constantly late for work and the tardiness even showed in her dressing and at meetings where she will either yawn openly or lay her head on the table. My peers dispel that she was still young and we all agreed she just have too much personal problems that is weighing her down. But despite a couple of counselling sessions, she only paid lip service and my fellow colleague which I shared the responsibility in supervising was of no help as she will often kept quiet during such sessions. The tardiness is now also in the way she perform her duties and work, not forgetting she will regularly be on urgent leave due to problems at home or medical appointments. No professional courtesy was extended by her cause we were only notified that very morning and leave forms covering these urgent absences were always late or had to be chased. I must say, it was a real mess. The mother got in touch with me thru Facebook and not wanting to be seen as invading one's privacy, permission was sort from the kid to accept the mother as friend, well the answer I got was pretty cool but the events that happen soon after wasn't that cool at all. I was accused of poking my nose into personal issues and updating the mum in terms of the work performances. Even the choice of words like" BGR, Wack, Fight, etc" were misquoted and soon became a matter of word definition. It causes me much stress as all I wanted was to give someone a 2nd chance and help, I never wanted to be a saint. Perhaps, I wasn't ready for the tons of lies that follows and also my training in reading body languages and interrogations made things worst as I do see thru the lies. It was a struggle to continue to be the kind, cool Uncle Soh or to be the fair and justice person.
Many had said that I was foolhardy in even trying to help as such people don't deserve it as they don't even wanna help themselves in the first place and I have no place to try to butt in, course there are some that says that over the years despite my temper I still have a soft spot in helping others. Now it's even worst after my long hospital stay as I have tone down my temper and thus my mild nature had made me more vulnerable to literally helping anyone that comes my way. Come to think of it, it's rather true and this old pal of mine was spot on cause nowadays I even paid attention to stray cats and dogs and had the urge to help them too despite protest from my wifey and I had secretly visited SPCA without her knowledge.

On second thoughts, was I trying to relive the joy of mentoring and teaching kids the right way in this incident? Moudling the future of mankind? Sounds so saintly huh, well that was what drove me to apply to be a teacher more than a decade ago before I joined SPH, it was my ex-principal's words during the interview that made me gave up the idea totally. She said to me: " Andrew, you won't find the joy that you are looking for even if you think that you are doing the right thing cause to change others, you have to start with yourself." Wise words from a principal that I spend much of my JC days in her office.

I guess after my fight with my medical condition, it made me cherish life even more and it's not just about mine but the world at large. I believe strongly that people's path cross due to fate and some other unexplained reasons, well whether it is as some religions explained that it's unfinished business between two parties or karma. My take is that why not help if you can, religion or no religion. Somehow it's my way of life. I had made peace with the injustice and unfairness in my life and accepted the full reset of my life at this point in time by the higher powers, so to me it makes sense for me to rechart my life with a new direction and course.

Anyway, in conclusion is that some things just ain't within our control and turn out in the way we wanted it to be, perhaps our intention to help is just a wishful thinking on our part only. We can only do so much and if we have done our best, we can certainly walk away with our heads held high and move on to the next case. So my friends, the question above remains in this case, do you want to be the help or be the helper?
Till next time, cheers and good luck all.