As the subject title says : To judge or not to judge? Many a times e are always caught in a dilemma when such situations occur. So is there a scientific explanation as to why we like to be a judge or be in a judging position? Some attribute such to one's personalities while others just simply put it as sheer arrogance. Whatever the facts are, we are judge by others, be it by our friends, family, colleagues or total strangers on a daily basis. So what do we do about it? At this point in time, am I not guilty too? Well I certainly am and I used to be a mean and critical one too thus I'm often detested. And I'm certainly not alone cause at this moment, while you are reading this, you most likely have already start judging the writer, me at the very first paragraph of this post already, right? :)
To me when I'm judged or receive a judgement from others, I take it positively and see them as reality check. It's always good to hear how others perceive you and also what are the yardsticks out there. Life of judging ain't that simple regardless if you are the judge or the one receiving judgements. The emotional roller coaster rides differ from person to person and also the level of relationship that you are with with the judge(s). Lashing, punches, tempers do fly, yeah...If a friend judges you and pass a sentencing (or layman terms means opinion) on you, it can be hurtful cause you may think that as your friend he/she should have known you better before judging, but from their perspective when they judge you, they are think of "For your own good" and as your friend they should be as direct as possible. Conflicts and bad blood occurs when the judgement wasn't well received cause the receiver thinks it was unfair and the judge is just imposing something on you which you think that he/she knows crap. Worst if there wasn't any pre and post communications to ensure the judgement goes down well or room for feedback. What happens next maybe a case of broken friendship, tit for tat revenge, stereotyping or simply ignorance by laughing it off. well how you really deal with the judges, seriously will depends on how much you value the relationships. For me, it's always a case of "Convince and Conquer", you can judge but make it fair with justifications.
Then why do family members judge you? Well for this, it is plain simple. You all have the same surname, so the yardstick never or rarely deviates from the family norms, traditions, values, upbringing or cultures. The older and more senior that the family judges are, they more critical they can get. However if we are younger in age, we often see such yardsticks as stupid and unfair. But as we grow older in life and so called become wiser, we tend to reconcile or even appreciate such yardsticks and judgements as they form the foundations of one's upbringing in life. So while in may be a case of taking Chinese meds which are bitter to the mouth but you do know what's good for you, besides it does runs in the family.
Lastly to keep it simple, the last category of judges comes total strangers. These group of judges base their judgement on societal yardsticks and their own personal opinions at times too. For e.g., as young toddler growing up in the 80s, our parents can't really afford paper diapers and when we were out and nature calls, we often are told to pee by the bushes or the drains, as long as we said "Excuse Me" before we do so. But these days, try doing that with your kid in public, you will be heavily judged and likely become an overnight media sensation. This example showed the changing of times and also the values of what being considerate meant now. Often in some situations where the judgement is unfair or personal, the emotions of resentment and unfairness will be very strong simply because of "Who the hell is that person to say such thing about me, she don't even knows me at all?" Such situations sometimes will lead to fights and fierce verbal battles which are getting more common these days in public places. So how do we avoid such judges from getting into our hair? Just simply follow the old saying "Do what the Romans do", respect the cultures and rules of any environment that you are in be it implicit or explicit ones. And if you are wrongly accused or judge then just say sorry for the inconveniences caused and offered an explanation if the judge is willing to hear you out but if he/she doesn't then just walk away and move on. Not worth screwing up the rest of your day right?
So in conclusion, as I mentioned earlier, I ain't a Saint and I was a very critical judge before cause I was a PERFECTIONIST and I believe the TRUTH must prevail! Perhaps I just watched too much Marvel comics and cartoons, hahahaha. Nevertheless I felt more compel to judge others in their judgement these days and in the course of it I do lost so called "friends" but do I regret my judgement? No I don't at all cause I firmly believed if you are judging others, you must always be ready to be judged. I called out people's bad judgement not to ridicule but to educate, as if you wanna judge others then make sure you are good at it, your judgement passed must be clear and fair, certainly do the necessary investigations if you have too. There's no shortcut about that.
Well judging is here to stay just like "kaypoing"or bad driving. You don't have to embrace them just simply live with them in the best way that you can without stressing yourselves too much. As to my Facebook question of "Do you keep friends who are critical judges close by or drop them like pests?' My answer is keep them close cause you never know when you need a slap in your face to wake you up from stupor and won't be it better to come from a friend than a total stranger right?
It gonna be a long weekend ahead, so enjoy, have fun and rest well. Cheers!N.B.: This post wasn't done under the influence of alcohol, emotional outburst, bad mood or any impairment to my mentality. No pun is intended and if you feel offended by it then just close your screen and go to some other sites that you enjoy. Also please please please dun judge my grammar and spelling cause I too lazy to use spell check in order to keep it's authenticity and originality lah. :) Byeeee and stay tune for more.....
***Photo credits to all the relevant parties whose photos are featured here. Do contact me at: andrewsohwm@yahoo.com.sg if you want them removed. Thank you.
