To Judge or Not to Judge?

 As the subject title says : To judge or not to judge? Many a times e are always caught in a dilemma when such situations occur. So is there a scientific explanation as to why we like to be a judge or be in a judging position? Some attribute such to one's personalities while others just simply put it as sheer arrogance. Whatever the facts are, we are judge by others, be it by our friends, family, colleagues or total strangers on a daily basis. So what do we do about it? At this point in time, am I not guilty too? Well I certainly am and I used to be a mean and critical one too thus I'm often detested. And I'm certainly not alone cause at this moment, while you are reading this, you most likely have already start judging the writer, me at the very first paragraph of this post already, right? :)

To me when I'm judged or receive a judgement from others, I take it positively and see them as reality check. It's always good to hear how others perceive you and also what are the yardsticks out there. Life of judging ain't that simple regardless if you are the judge or the one receiving judgements. The emotional roller coaster rides differ from person to person and also the level of relationship that you are with with the judge(s). Lashing, punches, tempers do fly, yeah...

If a friend judges you and pass a sentencing (or layman terms means opinion) on you, it can be hurtful cause you may think that as your friend he/she should have known you better before judging, but from their perspective when they judge you, they are think of "For your own good" and as your friend they should be as direct as possible. Conflicts and bad blood occurs when the judgement wasn't well received cause the receiver thinks it was unfair and the judge is just imposing something on you which you think that he/she knows crap. Worst if there wasn't any pre and post communications to ensure the judgement goes down well or room for feedback. What happens next maybe a case of broken friendship, tit for tat revenge, stereotyping or simply ignorance by laughing it off. well how you really deal with the judges, seriously will depends on how much you value the relationships. For me, it's always a case of "Convince and Conquer", you can judge but make it fair with justifications.

Then why do family members judge you? Well for this, it is plain simple. You all have the same surname, so the yardstick never or rarely deviates from the family norms, traditions, values, upbringing or cultures. The older and more senior that the family judges are, they more critical they can get. However if we are younger in age, we often see such yardsticks as stupid and unfair. But as we grow older in life and so called become wiser, we tend to reconcile or even appreciate such yardsticks and judgements as they form the foundations of one's upbringing in life. So while in may be a case of taking Chinese meds which are bitter to the mouth but you do know what's good for you, besides it does runs in the family.

Lastly to keep it simple, the last category of judges comes total strangers. These group of judges base their judgement on societal yardsticks and their own personal opinions at times too. For e.g., as young toddler growing up in the 80s, our parents can't really afford paper diapers and when we were out and nature calls, we often are told to pee by the bushes or the drains, as long as we said "Excuse Me" before we do so. But these days, try doing that with your kid in public, you will be heavily judged and likely become an overnight media sensation.
This example showed the changing of times and also the values of what being considerate meant now. Often in some situations where the judgement is unfair or personal, the emotions of resentment and unfairness will be very strong simply because of "Who the hell is that person to say such thing about me, she don't even knows me at all?" Such situations sometimes will lead to fights and fierce verbal battles which are getting more common these days in public places. So how do we avoid such judges from getting into our hair? Just simply follow the old saying "Do what the Romans do", respect the cultures and rules of any environment that you are in be it implicit or explicit ones. And if you are wrongly accused or judge then just say sorry for the inconveniences caused and offered an explanation if the judge is willing to hear you out but if he/she doesn't then just walk away and move on. Not worth screwing up the rest of your day right?

So in conclusion, as I mentioned earlier, I ain't a Saint and I was a very critical judge before cause I was a PERFECTIONIST and I believe the TRUTH must prevail! Perhaps I just watched too much Marvel comics and cartoons, hahahaha. Nevertheless I felt more compel to judge others in their judgement these days and in the course of it I do lost so called "friends" but do I regret my judgement? No I don't at all cause I firmly believed if you are judging others, you must always be ready to be judged. I called out people's bad judgement not to ridicule but to educate, as if you wanna judge others then make sure you are good at it, your judgement passed must be clear and fair, certainly do the necessary investigations if you have too. There's no shortcut about that.

Well judging is here to stay just like "kaypoing"or bad driving. You don't have to embrace them just simply live with them in the best way that you can without stressing yourselves too much. As to my Facebook question of "Do you keep friends who are critical judges close by or drop them like pests?' My answer is keep them close cause you never know when you need a slap in your face to wake you up from stupor and won't be it better to come from a friend than a total stranger right?

It gonna be a long weekend ahead, so enjoy, have fun and rest well. Cheers!

N.B.: This post wasn't done under the influence of alcohol, emotional outburst, bad mood or any impairment to my mentality. No pun is intended and if you feel offended by it then just close your screen and go to some other sites that you enjoy. Also please please please dun judge my grammar and spelling cause I too lazy to use spell check in order to keep it's authenticity  and originality lah. :)  Byeeee and stay tune for more.....


***Photo credits to all the relevant parties whose photos are featured here. Do contact me at: andrewsohwm@yahoo.com.sg if you want them removed. Thank you.

Communications - Catch 22!

Didn't know that I was such a dumb ass that I wasted an hour of my lunch time to tango with my boss on office communication. Well the squawk is that too much emails, people also get offended, not kept in the loop people also get unhappy and when you wanna talk to them face-to-face - people is either no time for you or out of office.

So is it a case where when people needs something from you, it's okay for them to send chaser emails to you or even suddenly be nice to you but if it's the other way round then the "Please Do Not Disturb"sign will be super obvious lor. :)



I'm not a fan of emails and whenever I can, I prefer to talk to people either over the phone or face to face unless you have a bloody pukeable face lah. But I have to agree with my boss that emails biggest advantage is efficiency but its biggest disadvantage is that it lacks feelings or emotions. My point of writing emails is simply for efficiency as we have so much to do daily and I try to be as simple and short as possible and if you need clarifications, you can always approach or ring me. So yeah it's true my emails may not have the emotional droppings here and there like my blog posts lah, whahahaha. But it gets the job of delivering the salient points of the message across mah, right?

I guess perhaps people who often gets offended with emails are simply cause they get too much work requests and get stress about it. Perhaps, you should look at how to manage your life and take it easy rather then getting emails to stress you out and let emails manage your life. Of course with technology of smartphones blah blah blah, it can gets harder but then there is always the "Sleep" mode or switch off button.

At the end of the day, I may sound arrogant to my boss but we are all paid to do the job and friends at the office can be a fringe benefit but not necessary something that I would want to enjoy. Besides professionalism is so passé these days, given the among of KPIs that we have to deliver and meet, so if you can't take the heat then you shouldn't be where you are bitching about it. You wanna save your ass then so do I.

Well the joke that I shared with my boss about this discussion about some of the folks mentioned was that if they don't want so many emails then they don't be some bloody "kaypoh"and asked to be kept in to the loop for everything under the sun lah. "Kiang tio ho, mai ke kiang mah", meaning smart can already, don't try to act smart! Guess people most of the time never learn until they reach the point of a big regret.

At this point, it reminded me of an article that I read sometime back that the most successful people don't read their emails first thing in the morning once they get out bed. Think only the successful wannabes are the ones who think they are when they do that.

So you wanna talk to someone then be careful who you are talking to and what you are talking about and worst if it's an email. So caveat emptor everyone, be happy and don't lose sleep or hair over it lah. :) 

It's THAT Month Again!

Time has comes round again for that dreadful anniversary that I and quite a few others rather forget but the fact remains that it will always be there for us no matter how we wanna deal with it. So I just have to stay positive and hope for the best.

Fortunately despite the unpleasantness that July brings, there is still the big joyous occasion of kiddo's birthday today. Took leave today together with wifey and kiddo called the shots since morning with a hearty breaky with my mum and dad before sending his off for his wushu CCA and then it's me and wifey's pak toh time at our fav kway chap stall at Dunman Hawker Centre. Well thought I could spent some quiet time back home but wifey got called back to work and so it's me and housework time. Bummer....

Well at least I managed to keep myself busy from checking work emails, ha! It has been a busy week with at least 3 offsite presentations and even when I'm in office, it's back to back meetings cause I have to roll out 5 major projects by the end of the year and I have yet to get my new Exec. Nonetheless most of the projects are going smoothly and staying out of the way of the other nasty colleagues. Actually they aren't nasty to begin with but I guess they are just strong characters that always expect others to see things their way or understand them more.

In life whether at work or at among your acquaintances, there is always such people. Such people will always say that you are emo, not religious, stubborn, impatient, stressed up, yada yada, etc etc. but the fact remains such viewpoints and feelings are very personal. For e.g, I feel very strongly about bad driving cause I'm very passionate about road safety and driving skills, so I personally take offence when others tell me that why I'm so bothered by it, why it always happens to you or is it your driving style? The fact remains that I shared the story with you cause I believe you can appreciate what I have to share and what I'm dealing with but for you to criticise me for something I know best, this is ridiculous . Sorry I ain't one that shut my mouth for anyone's benefit cause if I see some injustice or I have an opinion I speak my mind. I'm not calling myself a SME (subject matter expert) on some of these things but do feel free to convince me not criticise, please. Everyone is entitled to one's opinion. Perhaps, politically in Singapore, most of us who have an opinion about things are being shut out by many others who only know how to criticise as they felt that is the societal norm. Well perhaps it's gonna be another time for a greater awakening in the next election??

Life is short and for someone like me that has gotten a 2nd chance I ain't gonna remain suppressed just because I care more about other people's thinking than my own. It's not just my right but also my entitlement to be myself and speak my mind. So if one don't like it then walk away and have no part to be in my life, I would respect you for that rather than be a hypocrite in front of me and yet turn around and speak ill of me behind my back to others. Frankly, what goes around comes around. The world is just too short of listeners cause everyone wants to talk.

So to those who can't stand me then please walk away as I would be thankful to you.  For those that stood by me and hear me out, you definitely is a keeper. Well food for thought indeed as we are all in the driver seat of our live. Okay, that it for this post and now the washing machine beckons and getting ready soon for kiddo's birthday dinner later. Cheers!

It's Been So Long, Gosh!

It's been a long time of 2 years already? Oh my time flies and I'm truly guilty of slacking on my blogging here. Well it was a coincidence that my new colleagues chided me this week that I should start a blog writing about the food places that I adore since there seems to be quite a few. My reply to them that I do have a blog got me thinking and here I am.
Some quick updates are that it's been 3 and a half years since I was reborned and so far I have been trying to live my life to its fullest with quite a success. I ain't richer than before but I'm certainly happier and I ditch the first job that got me started in the VWO sector. I'm grateful for what it has taught me and the relationships that I needed to forego. What's remains is an exciting new job of helping children with Down syndrome and a working environment that appreciates me more. Kiddo is now in P2, he is still very much a mama boy still but that's what it is I suppose in a single parent family. After gotten his PC in golf, he is now concentrating in swimming and wushu. Still hoping for No. 2. Haha.

Youngest bro is now a dad and his boy is gonna grow up like a fine young man and now time for 2nd bro to play catch up eh. Well for me I just hope they come round for meals more often as dad and mum is getting older and dad is also more eccentric nowadays. Overall I do enjoy more home cooked meals given mum comes up to cook daily.

Medically I can't say I'm all clear and back in the pink of health but I'm much better although putting on more weight despite exercising on weekends. Checkups are now further apart which everyone are happy about.

As for my CCAs, I gave up teaching driving which I'm truly sad about and now thinking should I give up my property agent licence too. Hmmm... Overall I now have more time for my family given Sats is my off day too.

Well time it's for me to go now. I hope I will come back soon and share more stuff about living as a common 40 year old in Singapore and of cause my fav topic - FOOD! So until next, take care, Ciao!